A Dog Tale

Smug Mug

Sunday was an uneventful rainy day at Milepost 49 Boarding House. The tenants were content to watch some football and enjoy homemade banana bread while hanging out. I bought a bag of bananas at the grocery store for $1 – about 4 lbs. in total. The bananas were ripe and although the dogs have at least one a day for breakfast, the fruit needed to be consumed quicker than they could eat it, without actually gorging themselves that is. They wondered what the problem was in doing just that? Instead I made some bread for everyone.

The pack and I had just returned from the dog park when a downpour of rain began falling, drenching the sidewalks. I ran in the house with the dogs and then returned to Dora to get the rest of our things. I was gone less than a minute. I opened the door to find five dogs congregating in the kitchen and went to investigate the obvious bottleneck situation. Lying between them on the floor was a yellow fiesta ware plate facedown, along with a piece of bunched up Glad Wrap beside it. I was amazed that the plate was still in one piece after falling off the counter. And then it dawned on me; this was the banana bread plate and the Glad Wrap that covered it. The bread was gone, not even a crumb left. I’m sure the tenants didn’t eat the whole thing in the last hour? Grrrrr!

The five dogs ran for cover as the first word from my mouth rang out. ANNE! Thank goodness the tenants had left the house already because it was loud. Anne was nowhere to be found. I searched the front room, her crate, and my bedroom eventually finding her sitting innocently at the back door in the media room with her ears pinned against her little head, looking guilty as hell with a smirk on her lips. Her best defense is always the look of wonder on her face – “who, ME?”

Just when I think the place is finally “Anne Proof,” she strikes again! She knew she was busted, so what did she do? Well, she gazed right at me and began licking her lips, exaggerating the action. Was she in fact showing gratitude for the delicious bread she had just inhaled? Or was she just being a smartass? I have yet to figure that one out, but if I had to guess it would be the later. And I swear I heard a tiny voice admit: “Yelp, it was me. I snagged it off the counter and ate most of it myself! That’s why you call me Anne Banane.”

Oh Banane you are such an opportunist and the other dogs adore you for your amazing counter snags, although all they get are the crumbs that splatter when your prize hits the floor. It’s not the first time and it won’t be your last feat at scoring available food. Apparently Larry the Cable Guy left the bread too close to the edge of the counter. You were once again forced to perform your jump and grab routine while the other dogs watched in awe. Why do you keep doing it? Well, Duh. . . Because it works and you are always rewarded big time for your effort! 

Anne Banane is hilarious, full of personality and keeps me on my toes. She's always just a sniff away from being in trouble. Her appetite is unsatiable. But who can resist that face - certainly not me.

Woof! Woof!

Coming soon. . . "The Italian"

First Potential - NOT!

The House

The layout of 614 4^th Avenue West is confusing until you get used to it. There are at least seven doors into the house. It was originally build in the 1920’s and over time has been added onto more than once, creating an elongated adobe encompassing much of the city lot. Apparently the Dahl House (named after Dr. Dahl in the 1940’s) was a naturopathic school and remnants of that time remain on one side of the basement; a darkroom presumably for developing X-rays and therapeutic steams baths that have long been disconnected. There is no electricity in that area so it is a bit eerie to explore. 
 
The other side has a two-room area with concrete floors/walls and a full size bath with tub/shower, plus a private entrance and electricity - a funky efficiency apartment minus a kitchen. The two-room apartment was a nice surprise, as it was never mentioned when I was sealing the deal to lease the house. So that means along with four extra bedrooms in the main house, I also have an area that would go for big bucks in NYC. All it takes is a vision; a few rugs on the floor, bright paint for floors/walls, artwork on the walls and some thrift store treasures to make it complete. 

Media Room

At some point in history after the school closed, the house became a boarding house and every bedroom had a bath. However, an owner that bought the place later took some of them out leaving behind a house with no central bathroom. That was a dilemma for renting out rooms until my brilliant son (who had never seen the house) suggested I use a large bedroom with a full bath as the media room at the back of the house, allowing two bedrooms to share what would become the central bathroom. All other bedrooms have private baths. Are we confused yet? Having said all that, I am. 

So here’s what we have going on at Milepost 49. My bedroom suite at the front of the house with a private bath, a smaller bedroom with wood paneling (an add-on to the house) and a half bath on the left side of the dining room (shares shower in back), and a larger deluxe suite with private bath on the right of the dining area. Moving down the long hallway leading to the back of the house there is a bedroom on the left with an entrance from the outside, and directly across the hall another bedroom. A media room with TV, DVD and VHS, cable TV, couch, two chairs, and a coffee table, plus the shared full bath follows these two bedrooms. And, a funky apartment space downstairs. That’s it, the layout of Milepost 49. It takes awhile to get the hang of it as it does go on and on and on. 

Bedroom

These last two months have been a blur trying to get the house furnished so that rooms can be let. I am on a first name basis with Habitat for Humanity Thrift Stores, The Salvation Army, The Blue Ridge Humane Society Thrift Shop, The Goodwill, and the Hospices Home Store on Main Street. Need I go on? You get the picture, there are so many deals to be had and I found them. And the spray paint OMG, everything looks great with new paint. I have become the thrift shop junkie and the spray-paint extraordinaire in just a few short weeks. It’s been crazy, sometimes the rooms would actually rent before they were furnished and it would be a whirlwind getting it together, often putting sheets on the bed five minutes before an arrival.

Front Door

The set-up of the house is not nearly as interesting as the out of the ordinary people staying here. They will provide me more writing inspiration than I could ever hope for. Of course names have been changed to protect the innocent once this blog becomes the book it is meant to be: "Tales of a Boarding House Slumlord." I must write about the people as they come and go, so I don’t forget any part of this experience. It all began before I even arrived. Testing the market by doing some research, I placed an ad on craigslist two weeks before I left Alaska advertising rooms for rent. I had several responses but one woman in particular was sure she wanted a room here before I even saw the place. She called me several times on my trip south so she became "the first potential." 

Her name was Heather and we arranged for a visit a few days after I arrived. Heather came with an out-of-control Golden Retriever named Wally. He was so excited, jumping up on counters and delighted to be here. Although he needed training, Wally was an impressive kind of guy, however Heather was extremely needy. She asked a gazillion questions but would never let me answer any of them. She just kept talking and talking. It was apparent to me that this would not work. Her energy and my energy were like oil and water. Wally maybe, Heather a definite no go.

Screened-in Front Porch

And so, the search continued for compatible people to inhabit our newfound space. And in a few days time, there he was - my first "real potential," an Italian. On a temporary training assignment in Hendersonville for a few months, he lives in Charleston, SC. He called to ask directions and decided he would check the distance to his jobsite in Asheville on Mapquest, and call back if it was doable. This was on a Tuesday. Since he didn't call back I assumed it was a no go until I got a phone call on Friday night from 4th Avenue East; he was lost. LOST? I said, "are you on your way over?" "Don't you remember?” he said, “we made plans for me to have a look tonight." Actually I didn't remember since he didn't call back, but who's arguing? I told him he was on the wrong end of 4th Avenue and how to get here. Ten minutes later he pulls in the driveway in an impressive BMW sports car convertible. He said he would move in Sunday night after returning from Charleston for the weekend. . .

Thrift Store Junkie

The Historical Dahl House

Renting a house sight-unseen in a place you’ve never been, can be quite the adventure. Ideas were flying around in my head and out my mouth, about what to do in a house with six bedrooms and four baths. The six dogs could have private rooms but of course that would never come to be. Once when Zachary was spending the night and we were trying to squeeze our human bodies into a bed full of canines, I decided maybe sleeping on the couch was a better option. Zach’s reply was: "but Mema, they will just follow you," and of course he was right. Having said that it was obvious that we only needed one bedroom for the seven of us, or actually one bed would do no matter what the size.

So the question remained, what to do with the rest of the house? Before anything could actually be decided we needed to see the place and only then did the vision of a boarding house/hostel begin to unfold.  But first, mucho furnishings had to be acquired for 614 Fourth Avenue West in Hendersonville, North Carolina, if for no other reason than to stop the echoes surrounding us in this large empty space.

When you drive from Alaska to North Carolina in a van called Dora with six dogs there is little room to bring living essentials. Not only did we need a bed, but a glass, a fork, a chair, a blanket – all things imaginable to set up housekeeping in this place we would call home for awhile. And so the thrift shopping began slowly, building momentum from one deal to another, growing into a frantic pace of getting one thing, then another and another and still another. The first thing was our bed and then everything else followed: silverware, couches, glasses, chairs, more beds, plates, lamps, sheets, wine glasses, dressers, desks - you name it, we needed it for six bedrooms, OMG! Day after day collapsing into bed at night, totally exhausted from shopping. I quickly discovered what the expression "shop til you drop" really means. I described myself to a friend as the Spray Paint Queen and received an email back asking what that meant, exactly?

Spray Paint Queen: “a crazed blonde that frequents all thrift stores far and wide, making deals on items both needed and not so needed and spray painting them to her liking - sometimes changing the color more than once.”

Shopping has become a manic madness. For the past two days I have consciously MADE myself stay out of the stores, and it's killin' me. The house for the most part is now furnished complete with tenants leaving only the fun stuff to collect. The shopping has become so addictive that it’s hard to pass by any one of the thrift stores without just popping in and I never leave without buying something. So now that I have banned myself from the stores I have found deals on the street.

Red & Blue Wool Rug - FREE!

I am driving down 4^th Avenue West and notice a rolled up rug on the curb waiting to be picked up by the trash man – a flashback from living in Spanish Harlem at 116^th Street in NYC, where furnishing your place from the street is the norm - it's cheaper to put items in the trash than to move them to another apartment. We are such a disposal culture. Slamming on the brakes of Dora I load the rug in the back and bring it home. Imagine my surprise when I unroll it to find a wool, oriental blue/red rug covered with dog hair but other than that, in perfect shape. In a house with six dogs, what's a little dog hair anyhow? Certainly nothing a shampoo can't eliminate. I knew instantly that it was a fit because it is the exact color of the painted walls in the dining room area.  It now resides under the table looking lovely with only a few new dog hairs.

Later I'm driving down 3^rd Avenue West, the street directly behind our house and I notice a pickup for sale with a phone number. In the back bed is another rolled up rug so I call the number, tell the guy I am not interested in the truck but wonder what he is doing with the rug in the back. He said it was free as his Yorkie had peed on it. I ask if I could come get it - not a problem. Seriously, how much damage can a lap dog do anyhow? This rug is even bigger than the other but once I unroll it, well it looks like someone poured bleach in a few spots to remove pee stains. This one is not so good, so it has to go. But another oriental rug is in my future.

The Find of the Day - $45!

The next morning I fall off the wagon and once again find myself in the Salvation Army store. Cruising through the isles I stumble upon a rolled up rug with a 9x12 tag tied to a string. When I asked the price, the manager said she just got it in and would let it go for $45 without even looking at it. Well, that could be good or that could be bad - a definite risk.  A nearby shopper whispers to me if she had room for another rug she would jump on that deal. She continues her unintended sales pitch “this is the real thing, look at the tag. All wool and made in India. I know these rugs well, and this one sold for at least $1,200 new.” Enough said, I bought the rug. I hold my breath as I unroll my sight unseen purchase in the living room. It’s perfect, not even one dog hair but RockDog is working on that as he rolls around scratching his back on our new floor covering. The rug also came with a pad securing it nicely to the hardwood floors.  It was indeed the find of the day, with the help of the lady that urged me to buy it!

Serving Plates - $2 each!

So many deals to be had, so many stores to frequent, so much fun to imagine what things look like with a few coats of paint. Will the madness ever end? Or will I remain a Thrift Store Junkie forever? If so, I will need an even bigger house just to hold my treasures. Yikes!

Stay tuned for the unfolding cast of eclectic characters currently in residence at Milepost 49 Boarding House/Hostel.

Happy New Year from North Carolina!

Namasté